Phrasal verbs of relationships and communication

This is the social-life chapter. Hit it off, ask out, get along, break up, make up, reach out, get back to, catch up, drop by. These are the verbs Americans use when they talk about people — friends, partners, colleagues, that one cousin you don’t speak to anymore.

If you can use these naturally, your spoken English about social life jumps from B1-textbook to actual-American. About 30 phrasal verbs grouped by sub-meaning.

A reminder on mechanics: separable verbs let nouns sit either inside or outside (ask Sarah out / ask out Sarah), but pronouns MUST split (ask her out, never ask out her). Three-part PVs (get along with, get back to, get through to) never split. See lesson 1 for the full mechanics refresher.

Starting and maintaining relationships

How Americans describe meeting people, getting close, becoming a couple.

• hit it off (intransitive — fixed expression with it) — instantly get along well with someone.
  • We hit it off the moment we met — we talked for three hours.
  • They didn’t really hit it off at first, but they’re best friends now.
• ask out (separable) — invite someone on a romantic date.
  • He finally asked her out after months of flirting.
  • She asked him out for coffee.
  • With a pronoun: I should just ask her out.
• go out (with) (inseparable when used with with) — date someone, be in a relationship.
  • They’ve been going out for six months.
  • Are you going out with anyone right now?
• get together (intransitive) — meet up; also start a relationship.
  • Let’s get together for lunch sometime. (= meet)
  • They got together in college. (= became a couple)
• settle down (intransitive) — commit to a long-term life: marriage, house, kids.
  • He’s not ready to settle down yet — he wants to travel.
  • They settled down in Austin after the wedding.

Note: settle down in this lesson means “commit long-term.” In lesson 1 it meant “calm down for the night.” Same phrasal verb, two senses — context tells you which.

Conflict and ending relationships

The friction-and-fallout vocabulary.

• fall out (with) (intransitive — three-part with with) — have a serious argument that ends or strains a friendship.
  • They fell out over money and haven’t spoken in years.
  • I fell out with my old roommate after she moved out.
• break up (intransitive — sometimes separable: break up with him) — end a romantic relationship.
  • They broke up last summer.
  • She broke up with him over text — brutal.
• split up (intransitive) — end a relationship, especially a marriage; also separate physically.
  • They split up after twelve years of marriage.
  • Let’s split up at the mall and meet back at the food court.
• make up (intransitive — when about reconciling) — reconcile after a fight.
  • They had a huge fight, but they made up the next day.
  • Did you guys make up?
• patch things up (idiomatic) — repair a damaged relationship, smooth things over.
  • We patched things up over coffee.
  • They’re trying to patch things up after the argument.
• drift apart (intransitive) — gradually become less close, with no specific cause.
  • We were close in high school but drifted apart in college.
  • They didn’t fight — they just drifted apart.

Communication actions

How you raise topics, follow up, finally get heard.

• bring up (separable) — mention or introduce a topic in conversation.
  • Don’t bring up politics at Thanksgiving dinner.
  • She brought it up casually, but you could tell it bothered her.
• get back to (inseparable, three-part) — return to someone with information or a response.
  • I’ll get back to you tomorrow with the details.
  • She never got back to me about the meeting.
• check in (with) (intransitive, or three-part with with) — briefly contact to see how someone is.
  • Just checking in — how are you holding up?
  • I check in with my mom every Sunday.
• follow up (with / on) (intransitive, or three-part) — take a next step after initial contact.
  • I’ll follow up with the client by Friday.
  • Did you ever follow up on that job application?
• get through to (inseparable, three-part) — finally succeed in communicating with someone (after difficulty).
  • I tried to explain it three times before I got through to her.
  • I just can’t get through to him — he’s in his own world.
• get along (with) (intransitive, or three-part with with) — have a good relationship with.
  • I get along with everyone at work.
  • Do you and your sister get along?

Phone and messaging

The verbs Americans use when they talk about how they actually communicate.

• hang up (intransitive) — end a phone call.
  • Don’t hang up — I have one more thing.
  • She hung up on me mid-sentence.
• pick up (separable, or intransitive) — answer the phone.
  • Pick up the phone — it’s been ringing for ages.
  • I called three times and she didn’t pick up.
• call back (separable, or intransitive) — return a call.
  • I’ll call you back in five minutes.
  • He never called back.
• get back to — same as in the previous section. Often used about returning a message: I’ll get back to you on email later.
• shoot (someone) over (separable — modern AmE) — send something quickly, especially a text or email.
  • Shoot me a text when you’re outside.
  • I’ll shoot you over the file in a sec.
• reach out (to) (intransitive, or three-part with to) — make contact with someone, especially after a gap or for help.
  • Feel free to reach out if you have questions.
  • She reached out to me on LinkedIn last week.

Reach out is everywhere in modern American professional English. Five years ago it was business jargon; now it’s the default for “contact someone.”

Social — meeting up and visiting

The verbs of casual social life.

• catch up (with) (intransitive, or three-part with with) — exchange recent news with someone you haven’t seen in a while.
  • Let’s catch up over lunch — it’s been forever.
  • I caught up with my college roommate last weekend.
• hang out (with) (intransitive, or three-part with with) — spend casual unstructured time with friends.
  • We hung out at her place last night.
  • Want to hang out this weekend?
• drop by (intransitive — sometimes followed by a place) — visit briefly, often unannounced.
  • Drop by my office anytime.
  • She dropped by yesterday with cookies.
• stop by (intransitive — followed by a place) — same as drop by; visit briefly.
  • I’ll stop by the store on the way home.
  • Stop by whenever you’re in town.
• swing by (intransitive) — same idea as drop/stop by, slightly more casual and modern.
  • I’ll swing by your place around 7.
  • Can you swing by the post office?
• hit (someone) up (separable — informal) — contact someone informally; also: visit casually.
  • Hit me up when you’re free.
  • I’ll hit her up later about the party.

Drop by, stop by, swing by are nearly interchangeable. Hit up is more informal — friends use it; you wouldn’t email a client I’ll hit you up next week.

Confusion table — pairs that get mixed up

Common Russian-speaker mistakes

1. Calque from Russian говорить с → speak with. Both speak with and speak to exist, but for picking up the phone Americans say get on the phone with someone or just call someone — not speak with by phone.
2. Using call back instead of get back to for non-phone replies. Call back is specifically for phone calls. For email or general response, use get back to you: I’ll get back to you on Monday.
3. Direct translation of поссориться as to quarrel. Quarrel exists but sounds Victorian. Americans say had a fight (we had a fight last night), got into an argument, or fell out with (for friends).
4. Saying break with instead of break up with. Break with the past exists but is formal. For ending a relationship: broke up with him.
5. Forgetting with in three-part PVs. I get along him / I caught up Sarah. — wrong. Get along WITH, catch up WITH, follow up WITH. The preposition is mandatory.
6. Using visit for casual quick stops. Visit sounds formal and planned. For a quick informal stop: drop by, stop by, swing by. Save visit for longer planned trips: I’m visiting my parents next weekend.
7. Translating встретимся as let’s meet. Let’s meet is fine but a bit formal. For friends: let’s get together, let’s hang out, let’s catch up, want to grab a coffee? are more natural.
8. Using answer the phone for missed calls. I didn’t answer the phone is grammatical but sounds formal. Americans say I didn’t pick up or I missed your call.

Summary

• About 30 phrasal verbs for the social half of life — meeting, dating, fighting, making up, communicating.
• Three-part phrasal verbs (get along with, get back to, reach out to, catch up with, get through to) never split. The preposition is mandatory.
• Make up has four meanings; bring up has two; settle down has two. Context disambiguates.
• For casual visits, use drop by, stop by, swing by — not visit.
• Reach out has become the default modern verb for “contact someone” in American English.
• For phone-specific verbs (hang up, pick up, call back) the meaning is literal; for digital reply, use get back to.

Next lesson: Phrasal verbs for work, study, problems and solutions — take on, knock out, figure out, deal with, mess up, brush up on.